Antidisestablishmentarianism
In a controversial internal memorandum leaked to rear end, Keble's alleged Warden, Mr April Cameroon, has spoken out against the College's admission policy. "The College is in danger of losing sight of its established principles" he warns in a damning indictment of recent trends.
Over the last two years, Keble has been consistently slipping down all the inter-college league tables. Dr Anal Corney concurs, and cites a number of examples. "Only three of the four major cuppers trophies last year, and with the rugby team in division two and the football team heading for relegation its getting very embarrassing, and we must look at what can be done to halt this decline."
A rebel faction within the SCR is pushing for admissions procedures to be looked at and their views appear to be gaining ground. Rumours abound that some tutors are even using admissions interviews for academic questioning and are neglecting their duty to test the candidates' ability to catch a rugby ball. "Of course, if we have two applicants of equal sporting prowess, then academic ability will be one of the criteria we use for choosing between them, but it can't be allowed to take precedence" admits an SCR insider.
One tutor remarked that he had heard of students missing vital Cuppers fixtures through 'illness', only to discover that they were actually attending tutorials and lectures. He went on to warn that "Students must not lose sight of what they are here for."
Some of the SCR rebels have been openly flouting College conventions by offering scholarships to "specialist academics", many of whom have never been near a playing field.
One possible solution suggested, is to not allow scholars' exam results to count in the Norrington table, and to give normal undergraduates a chance to shine. Spokesmen in support of scholars point out though that these imported "academics" play a full part in College life and should not have to miss out.
Far from being a simple issue to resolve, it appears as if the controversy will run and run. College life is a game of two halves, both sport and academics, and clearly we must take every student as he comesÉ we're delighted to be in the draw for the next roundÉ the boys done good etc.
and other Abba classics were the accompaniment for Dr Hawcroft's debut at DTMs. Whatever next, Dr Hollis at Park End dancing to Super Trouper?
It's that time of year again, when
Cupid fires his arrows at young lovers everywhere. Keble's very own love-Archer, Ian that is, will be embracing unsuspecting couples and setting their passions alight.
So should you encounter Dr Love as he flits around college, take the opportunity to give him a big Valentine's hug.
The Park End Club is proud to announce the opening of a new Kebab service. Available from 1.45am onwards on the dance floor, for those who fancy tucking-in, the menu is as yet limited so customers can't afford to be too choosy. The first order was placed last week by a Mr. M. Stainton from Keble College who took away with him an extra large Donna. When asked about the new service, Mr. Stainton remarked "I'm delighted - I've never seen such big baps in my life!"
Keble Drama's latest production played for one night only last week. In the lead role as Tony, leader of the Sharks, Nick West delivered a polished performance. His vocal talents were in clear evidence as he relished the chance to get his tongue around "Maria".
Unfortunately the performance rather fizzled out towards the end, and despite calls of "Encore" from the audience, the protagonists were reluctant to oblige. Latecomers were not admitted.
Places are still available for the rear end dinner on 2nd March. The only black-tie dinner for the whole College - join in the evening's comic capers and claim your limited edition rear end T-shirt
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